I think, at this point, it’s pretty well known that I am a
fan of the Olympics. Duh. There is a distinct possibility that I've spent more
time in the past two weeks watching the Olympics than I will spend this
fall/winter watching either football or basketball and those sports last for 6+
months rather than the 2 weeks the Olympics lasts. I am acutely aware of how
incredibly dorky this is. I, frankly, don’t really care, though. I loved it.
I loved every minute of it. 4 years from now, I’ll love every minute of
it again. By the way, I am just putting it together right now that both the
2014 world cup and the 2016 Olympics are going to be held in Brazil. I sure hope that country has their shit
together. Well, without further ado, on to my final Olympic thoughts.
Because of the fact that every country in the world
participates in the Olympics, there is most certainly a probability that there
were be a slew of hilarious names. Guess
what? This one is no different. There
are enough hilarious names here to make a 12 year old school boy (or myself)
crack up for days on end. How these
stack up against former great athletic names such as God Shammgod, Dick
Trickle, and former English soccer player Dean Windass I’m not sure, but here
are some good ones.
Dong Dong –
China – Trampoline (HA! Double Dong!)
Karen
Cockburn – Canada – Trampoline (Dirty)
Destinee
Hooker – USA – Volleyball (At one point in the Olympics Bob Costas said “The
6’4” Hooker is taking on the whole team!” (I just made that up, but it
certainly could have happened.))
The XXX
Olympics – (yep, the 30th Olympiad could easily be mistaken for the
porno Olympics)
Fanny Babou
– France – Swimming (even more funny when you place the accent on the first
syllable of her last name.)
Kelsey
Titmarsh – Canada – Rhythmic Gymnastics (hehehe)
Endurance
Abinuwa – Nigeria – Athletics (yep, she’s a runner)
Yoshi
Takeshita – Japan – Volleyball (poop joke.
His name is a poop joke.)
Hillarious names aside, there was also some great athletic
events. Everyone knows that it’s awesome to watch the US hoops squad ball on
everybody. It’s sweet to watch Phelps and
the big swimming races. The gymnastics
(especially the women) are rad. Usain Bolt and all the other sprints are great.
But what fascinates me is that almost every single event can be extremely
exciting to watch. Even the things you
would never expect to hold your attention such as horse jumping, archery, water
polo, and handball can be absolutely gripping if you pay enough attention. Below are a few of the sports that were
really came in way above my expectations on the awesomeness scale.
The Decathlon – It’s really hard to put into words just how
amazing these athletes are. They compete in 10 different events (100 meter
dash, long jump, shot put, high jump, 400 meter, 110 meter hurdles, discus,
pole vault, javelin, and 1500 meters). They do all of these events in 2 days
and compete in each event at an extremely high level. What’s amazing here is
that many of the events are nothing like each other. Obviously, being good at
running the 1500 meter (about a mile) race and throwing the shot put takes a
completely different type of athlete. These guys do all of them and they do it
well. This competition probably would have been a bit more exciting if Ashton
Eaton hadn’t beat the snot out everybody and pretty much put it out of reach
going into day 2, but, whatever. USA!
I also find it quite interesting that there is the decathlon,
which is 10 sports that anyone could play to test the best physical
athlete. And then there is the modern pentathlon,
which is the decathlon for rich people. Pretty much just 5 sports that only rich
Brittan and New Englanders play (pistol shooting, show jumping (yes, horses),
freestyle swimming, fencing, and a cross country run.) Needless to say, this
event is not quite as exciting.
Rhythmic Gymnastics – So, I am watching the 2nd
and final day of the decathlon and after a couple of discuss throws they cut
over to rhythmic gymnastics. (if you are
unaware, this is the sport where female gymnasts do ballet stuff supported by a
giant ribbon, a ball, something that looks like nun-chucks, or a hula hoop). There I am, pissed that I’m not watching more
decathletes throw discuss, and all the sudden it happened; Some Russian chick
walks forward throws a ball (the type of ball that could only be described as
the same ball you find in a giant bin at Wallgreens and dribble around the
store for the next 10 minutes because you are either a 9 year-old kid or you’re
trying to piss of your girlfriend so she stops buying shit.) anyways.. where was I? oh yeah, She throws this ball as
high as she possibly can in the air, does 3 flips, and catches the ball (hands
free) in the small of her back, and then somehow does another flip without the
ball moving from the small of her back, then contorts her body somehow so the
ball rolls from her back up and over her head and back into her hands. At this
point you either don’t believe me or you don’t fully comprehend the series of
events I just described. But, I’m
serious. YouTube that shit. A) I am amazed.
B) I now know where all Cirque du Soliel performers come from.
The 4 x 400 relay – It is said that the 400 meters is the
toughest race a runner can do. It is a
full out sprint all the way around the track.
You can see that the 400 just kills runners. After the race, every time, there are
multiple runners laying on the ground on their backs trying to catch their
wind. So how does this get more exciting? Add a baton and have 4 runners run
this grueling race. The best part of it is the rules, though. They start on the staggered starting blocks
like the regular 400. The first runner must stay in his lane for the whole lap.
But, once the baton is passed, there are no lane rules anymore. So once the
baton is passed the first time it is absolute chaos. 8 runners all trying to
receive a baton and all trying to merge to the inside lane all at the same
time. As you can imagine, people
fall. And if you’ve ever seen a track
fall, it is not pretty.
There was another sport that caught my attention, and that
was the race walk. Not to say that this
was exciting to watch, because it wasn’t, but the endurance it takes for this
event is quite impressive. If there is
one sport in the Olympics that is the easiest to make fun of it is some strange
event where everyone is walking around like some combination of a turbo-charged
duck and a grandma at the mall. Apperently, though, this sport is extremely
taxing on the body and takes a serious endurance athlete. See here as some
Russian racewalker passes out mid-race and (allegedly) craps himself. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MfPDrBpcYDI
For those of you that have managed to stick with me thus
far, here is your reward. Dutch Heptathelete
Nadine Broersen, Paraguayan Javelin thrower Laryn Franco, and Czech volley ball
player Marketa Slukova.
You’re welcome.
So there it was. The
2012 London Olympics came and went. It was the best of times, it was the worst
of times.[i]
It was something that I thoroughly enjoyed.
More than I’ve ever enjoyed them
before. But, the only thing that was
different between this year and years past was that I paid more attention. I have found that the more that you immerse
yourself in the Olympics, the better they are. I love that every single event
has its own intrinsic value and yet, they are each a part of the games as a
whole. You would never catch me watching a rowing event or weightlifting event
on TV in some random occasion, but when those weightlifters and rowers are
competing equally to have made a difference in their country’s glory, I’ll tune
in all day long.
Speaking of a country’s glory..
Final Medal Count: USA – 104, China – 88. Final Gold count: USA – 46, China – 38.
USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!
[i] See
what I did there? Quoted an English writer in the recap of a London
event.. wordplay is fun, even when
obvious. Thanks, Chuck.
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